Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
