THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
