His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
