i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
