; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
