the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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