Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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