took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
