I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
