Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
