3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
