I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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