I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
