I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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