I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
