i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
