You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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