You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
