Pappa wants mamma naked
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
