Whod you bang
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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