I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
