I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
