well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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