in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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