Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
