I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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