I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
