She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
