i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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