I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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