do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
