a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
