You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
