How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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