I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
