he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
