I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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