i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
someone owes me an orgasm
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
