I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
