Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There r osticjed everywhere
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
