I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
