so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
