So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
