I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
