Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
