and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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