I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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