The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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