weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
farters have to be the big spoon...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
