you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
