The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
