Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
