Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
