so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
love makes seman taste better
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
