Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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