She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
