she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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