The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
