dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
