I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
