I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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