I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
