Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
