is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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