New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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