There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
