How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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