I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
