Apparently you make a good broom.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
