Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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