My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
