That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
