I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
