I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
