The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
