Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
