i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
