the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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