my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
