Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
