Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
