stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
