So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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