I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
