I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
