Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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