cat food counts as protein by the way
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
