i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize