why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
