Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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