your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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