im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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