I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
