i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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