I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
