I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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