So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
