If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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