so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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