youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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